Inches and Edges...

"We are in hell right now, gentlemen believe me and we can stay here and get the shit kicked out of us or we can fight our way back into the light."

We can climb out of hell.

One inch, at a time.

The movie clip and quote above are From Any Given Sunday. The quote below is also but I'm changing it around as it pertains to the game of poker. 

Life is just a game of edges.
So is poker.
Because in either game
life or poker
the margin for error is so small.
I mean one missed hand, 

one distraction at the wrong time.

One decision made a second too fast
can mean the difference in winning or losing.
The edges are so small that we can't 

afford to miss one single spot.
The edges are in every break of the game
every minute, every second.

We fight for every edge
We tear ourselves, and everyone around us
to pieces for that edge.
We CLAW with our finger nails for that edge.
Cause we know when we add up all those edges 

(no matter how small)
that's going to make the difference
between WINNING and LOSING
between LIVING and DYING.

I watch this clip often before I play. Choosing to play poker seriously isn't for the faint of heart. You have to love it and you have to want to win as much as you want to breathe (I heard that somewhere too, just don't remember where). 

As for the edges, poker gets tougher and tougher and edges get smaller and smaller. If you're an online player and you think you can watch T.V., talk to people on Skype and surf all over internet and still play your A game, I have news for you, you are wrong. All of these things are taking your attention away from your game. With the edges being so small you can't afford to miss one single spot in any game you're playing. If you're playing a lot of tables it is even more important that you remove the distractions around you and put all your focus on the game. 

I've been as guilty as anyone else in the past of doing all of the above. Even trying to look back at your PokerTracker or Holdem Manager to go through some hand you just lost is a distraction. Unless you need to look at it quickly for information on someone at the table or make a quick note, you should be marking questionable hands and going over them later. I've be guilty so many times of posting hands in Skype chat and trying to discuss them with someone while I was playing and this is a huge distraction and it's something that can be done later, not while you're playing.

I've recently had a couple of coaching sessions my backer set up. The first session started out a bit rocky. My ego got in the way and I got overly sensitive about a couple of things he said. I'm not good at not speaking my mind so unfortunately I felt the need to say something. At first I thought this was a huge mistake and afterwards I felt terrible for saying anything, after-all my backer was kind enough and cared enough to set this up and the coach was good enough to do the sessions with me. I left him a message on Skype to apologize yet one more time for what I had said. Today when I got online I had a scathing message from him that definitely put me in place. I went through various stages of processing this. Slightly angry, very hurt and then just plain depressed then to the realization that he was right. Harsh realizations are just that, harsh. 

I've always liked to think I didn't have ego problems so to be told my ego was a problem and that I think that I'm a better player than I actually am was not an easy thing to hear. He didn't exactly stop there either, I was pretty much raked over the coals but it was honestly stuff I needed to hear. So bottom-line I'm glad I said what I said and I'm glad that I had to suffer through the berating I took because it brought me down a quite a few pegs and brought me back to reality. 

The funny thing is just a few weeks ago I wrote this blog REALIZATION: You probably aren't as good as you think and here I was being accused of the same thing I accused others of. 

We spent some time talking more today and finished the hand history session we started last night and I learned a lot. He made some technical game improvement suggestions but mostly mental game and attitude things. I really think these things are going to help me with my game quite a bit. Just the harsh realization of where I really am with my game is so important. I know I said it in the above linked blog but I don't think I believed it. I think my ego still wanted to believe I was better than that. I think at the time I wrote that blog I did believe it but the devil on my shoulder kept trying to convince me I was better than that. So even though at the time of writing that blog I'd accepted it, as the Baptist here in the south say "I back slid". 

So as of now I'm totally sticking with mid-stakes except for the occasional satted into Sunday major and work hard to start actually crushing those stakes and stop blaming all my problems on runbad. I'm going to stop putting the cart before the horse by trying to play games I'm not ready to be playing. I'm turning off anything that can be a distraction and I'm just going to play. That even includes the "I'm a the final table of so so" brags and letting people rail me on Teamviewer etc. And absolutely zero chatting on Skype or the phone or anything else while any game is running. It's time to get serious and stop letting distractions, stress or any outside issues cause me to make unnecessary mistakes. 

The guy I got the coaching from told me when I sit down to play look at everything as a choice, a choice to play, a choice to win, a choice to play my A game, a choice to focus and a choice to make the best possible decisions. This is what I'm going to do, it is all I can do if I want to win at this game. 

I'm climbing out of this hell.

One edge, one good decision and 

one choice at a time! 

Been Down So Long It Looks Like Up to Me......

Was listening to the Doors and heard this song. How perfect is this for these damn long ass poker downswings? 

"I've been down so very long that looks like up to me! Why don't one of you people come on and set me free? Won't you break the lock and key?"

How many of us can say we've felt this way on more than one occasion? I know I can. I'm on one of those now and it seems like it will never end. I end most nights wondering why I even bothered to play. Yet I wake up the next morning and can't wait to start the abuse again. I'm starting to truly believe I may indeed be totally and completely bat shit crazy. You know what they say the meaning of insane is? Doing the same thing over and over but expecting a different result. If that's true then I am without a single doubt BAT SHIT CRAZY! 

There are so many factors though; poker is truly tougher than ever but for US players the re-entries have turned the game of poker into more of a gamble than a game of skill. Hands one would never 4 bet jam now go flying into the middle 'cause, what the hell they can just re-enter. Bluffing doesn't work nearly as often as it should because again, so what if my 2nd pair is no good I can just re-enter. It comes down to who can afford to re-enter the most more than who's better at the game. 

There is a big argument that re-entries increase variance for weaker players but not for skilled players, that it gives skilled players a greater advantage. This is true, it does and well rolled skilled players have an even bigger advantage since they can re-enter as often as necessary, even though it kills their ROI. Overall though, skilled or not skilled, re-entries definitely increase variance. 

I truly believe this is why Bovada is growing so much and why it's so soft. Fish go broke much faster with re-entries, especially on Merge where the payout structure is so top heavy. It's a bit better on Winning: the late registration/re-entry period isn't as long and the payout structure is flatter allowing fish to cash more often and take longer to go broke. Also regs get tired of dealing with this too and many of them are moving a large portion of their play over to Bovada. 

Anyway just heard this song and got inspired to write about this. Time for up to feel like up but I've forgotten what up feels like. 

Onward and upward you crazy online poker players! Good luck with your Sunday grind. 

The MudShark - shhhhh shhhh SHARK...

We all know there are various names for different types of poker players (which of course I'll go over) but I think I've found a new name for one type, Mud shhhhh shhhhh sharrrrk.... 

Fish: New player who is generally clueless and doesn't think about anything except the two cards in his hand. He has no concept of how to hand read or really figure out much about reading the board. He loves to see flops. Most of your better players don't really mean it in a derogatory way when they refer to someone as a fish. They just mean this is a clueless player who knows little about the game. 

Donk (or Donkey): A donk doesn't really know a lot more than a fish but they generally think they are better players than they are. They've likely learned a little about the game and occasionally think about what cards you might be holding. Of course they never think what you're holding is better than what they're holding because they always "put" you on that hand that is worst than theirs. If they could manage to think you had a better hand that would mean they would have to fold after putting money in the pot and they just aren't quite capable of this yet. One thing to note, only donks use the word donk. I almost never hear a good player call anyone a donk. If you are calling people donks or donkeys guess what, you probably are one. 

Droolers: (also gimp or moron) Although these terms aren't specific to poker they are very frequently uses to refer to certain types of poker players. Whereas everyone starts out as fish, these types will always be fish. They lack the mental capacity to ever get better. They're not necessarily brain challenged, they are just either too ignorant or too lazy to bother with getting better. In defense of some of them, they are just playing to have a good time and gamble it up. 

Regs:  Regs (meaning regulars of course) get broken down into a few categories:

The bad reg: They play a lot have some concept of the game and maybe occasionally think past level two but they rarely play well and many of them never get much better at the game. The good thing about them verses the donk and fish is they will occasionally think on a deep enough level to fold once in in while. 

The meh reg: He's a little better than the bad reg and he wins more but no one would go so far as to call him decent or good. He'll probably never make it to the decent level because he just doesn't care enough. He's learned what he knows by osmosis and through playing a decent amount but he never puts in the effort to work on his game. 

The decent reg: Most decent regs will eventually become good regs. They work on their game and they try hard to improve. They often make the correct play and have a decent understanding of the game and strategy. Often they are only a few steps away from becoming a good reg, many of them even play a pretty respectable game. They're just usually still playing too tight late game or not 3 betting or raising in enough spots and they're still putting too much emphasis on the cards and their post flop game isn't as good as it needs to be. Decent regs are generally fairly profitable players for the most part but are often hurt more by downswings than good regs. 

The good reg: These are the higher level players who understand the game in depth and work hard to continue to improve. They are generally someone you want to avoid at the table. They are creative and tricky and generally very aggressive. 

The Shark: Pretty much the good reg or the sicko (see below) 

The sicko: These are usually the loose aggressive players. They are everything the good reg is with the addition of well calculated aggression and nerve to play just about any hand from any position. They have unreal post flop skills and because they play so many hands you never know what they have. These guys can make your life totally miserable at the table. If they 3 bet you and you 4 bet them don't be surprised when they five bet jam on you with 79s or some other way less than premium hand. You will find there is a thin line between a sicko and fish and sometimes if you don't have a lot of history with them it's hard to tell the difference. 

Then there is...

The MudShark: (yeah, yeah I love Frank Zappa) I was listening to this song the other night and it dawned on me that this is the perfect name for this other type of player. This guy is far from a good reg or a sicko, most of them probably wouldn't even make it into the decent reg category but by God they think they are the best thing to hit poker since cards got color. They've read all the books, watched all the videos and absorbed more knowledge than even John Nash could process but they've hardly played. Many play occasionally online, the occasional home game and a few live tournaments throughout the year but they truly believe they're better than all the guys with years of experience and more games/hands behind them than you can count. God forbid if one of these guys luckboxes a big win since that only confirms what he already knows, that he's the best and the very best. He could outplay Phil Ivey if given the opportunity. I mean after all it's a known fact Phil Ivey really doesn't know much about ICM, right? 

These guys get on poker forums and post their opinions on a hands and even though 10 or 20 other well accomplished players totally and completely disagree with them they continue to argue their point (usually quoting the well known writings by the top guys like Harrington or Doyle Brunson). They post all these poker software findings and half of what they say makes no sense. The ranges they use for opponents are outrageously off (generally way too tight) but by God the software says they're right and they're sticking by it. They're also very quick to tell you how they are sure they are a much better player than you are. 

You see these guy show up on forums, make asses of themselves, call other and better players bad and disappear pretty fast. Either because they became so obnoxious the mods banned them or they decided not to waste their precious time and vast knowledge on the dumb lowly people on the forum. 

Don't confuse these guys with trolls, these guys are a different breed and I think mudshark is the perfect name for them because with their incessant desire to believe they know everything and the fact that they study a zillion times more than they play, they will never become a real shark and always just stay bogged down in their muddy but superior brain. 

So everyone let's toast to the MUDSHARK since for every one of them that leaves the forums a new one will pop up to take their place. 

REALIZATION: You probably aren't as good as you think...

I think there is one recurring theme among poker players, everyone thinks they are better than they are. They think they are good enough to beat the next stakes and beat all the sick regs out there. They think because a few times they did beat them that makes them good enough to do it consistently. If you saw Rounders you remember how Mike beats Johnny Chan so he takes his entire roll and loses it all to TeddyKGB. Unfortunately this is a very common theme in the game.

Well I have some bad news for you, you are likely not as good as you think you are. That even goes for the best out there I would imagine. Ego and the desire to move up in stakes gets the best of us all. We all want those big scores and the high stakes are where those scores are. 

Motivation to move up is very important and very necessary to make it to the higher levels in any field but being honest with yourself about when you're ready is the most important part of making the upward move successfully. 

A month or so ago I asked a poker friend what he thought of my game and he told me I could crush the low stakes and probably do okay in the mid-stakes. I was pretty devastated by this comment but it was the best thing I could have heard. Despite a prolonged bout of what I blamed on run-bad I still thought I was good enough to beat the better players at the higher stakes. I'm not, tough to admit but I'm just not. Sometimes maybe when I'm playing my A game and running great I can beat them but not on a day to day consistent basis because they are better players than I am. They have more skill and more experience. I can beat mid-stakes tournaments at this point and if I'm playing my best and running decent I can beat them on a consistent basis. I could crush low stakes if I just had more patience.

Right now that's where I am and realizing that and excepting it has been like an epiphany for me. I'm really okay with that too because now that I understand why I'm not ready to consistently beat higher stakes and now I can play so much better at mid-stakes and work on the things I need to work on to get to the higher levels and I will get there! I just have to be patient and work hard and it will happen. 

Poker is a tough game that takes a strong mental attitude and a ridiculous amount of perseverance. I've seen so many people quit because they couldn't handle the swings. I've threatened to quit a few times myself but winners never quit. I truly think a lot of people quit because they move up before they are anywhere near ready and experience the unavoidable failure and instead of realizing that they just need to move back down they just give up. 

Since this "epiphany" this week has been the best in a long time. I've made 6 final tables and had two 2nd and one 3rd place finish for $3452 in winnings (not as good as it sounds, I was ass deep in makeup but close to the black now). I'm feeling so much better about my game and playing so much better. I've gotten back to the play that I need to be playing. I take my time and think about every decision, or at least try to. I still have some mental game issues to work on and I need a good bit of work on my post flop play.

A big thanks to my backer who has been a world of help. He's really helped me see where my mistakes were and how to fix them and how to get my mental issues straightened out. It's great having a backer who's willing to spend time helping me and who plays MTTs himself. I still miss my old backer, he was a great guy who I like a lot but this situation is so much better for me at this point. 

I'm taking my one time for this whole year, it must work cause look how it's going :D  Hopefully that long awaited very elusive five figure score is right around the corner and a circuit ring would be really sweet too. 

Here's to a great 2014 for everyone!!! Happy and prosperous New Year! 

Fish On A Heater...

It's been awhile since I blogged and a good bit has happened since the last time. I got a new backer the end of October and have been getting back to the grind since. It started out a little slow but after a few days things really started turning around. 

I've played about 170 tournaments over the two weeks I've been with my new backer and made eight final tables, of those eight six were top three finishes. Two first, two seconds, one third a seventh and an eight. I'm up almost $2K and feel like I'm playing better than ever. 

I would like to thank my biggest nemesis for my recent success. Without the constant struggle this nemesis was causing me I'd have never turned my game around like I have. I hope this nemesis is always by my side because this adversary makes me step back and reassess every aspect of my play and make the necessary changes that enable me to vastly improve. Who is this nemesis, variance. I just went through the a worse bout of bad variance that I've ever before experienced but I persevered and worked hard and most importantly I stuck it out. I've come through it so much stronger and so much better and it's really showing in my games and my overall mental attitude. 

I replied to a couple of posts lately where someone was asking what makes a winning player. I'll copy my top list here:

• Fearlessness
• Adaptability
• Aggression
• Extreme tenacity - and I do mean extreme, to get through some bouts of bad variance it takes more tenacity than I could have ever imagined
• Hard work
• Focus
• Positive mental attitude
• Disregard for the money

I'm sure there are thousands of people who had the basic ability to become great players but they lacked too many of these attributes to stick with it and become great at it. Mostly they lacked the ability to push through the long and brutal bouts of bad variance without giving up the game. They didn't have the emotional capacity to deal with the negative side of playing. 

First, I list fearlessness as the most important because I believe that it is. It's not just the lack of fear of busting by pushing our chips in the middle on a stone cold bluff to put pressure on our opponent, it's not fearing what others think of our game. All that matters in poker is how well you play each hand. If you're playing correctly there are going to some embarrassing spots where you get caught with your hand in the proverbial cookie jar, oh well consider it meta-game and move on. What others think of your game is totally irrelevant. There is a fine line between genius and spew and between a real sicko and total fish. Mediocre players will always think your a fish for some of the plays you make because they lack the experience and knowledge to understand those plays and why they work. 

Second, I list adaptability, this is a very close runner to first and I think they are very close to being tied. Poker is a rapidly evolving game, what was done even six months ago may be totally changing and turning around today. Our opponents change to some extent as well and we must be able to change and evolve our game or we get left in the dust and go from winning players to losing players without even realizing what happened. Often when this happens players are way too quick to blame variance when what is really going on is they got stuck in the way they play and didn't adapt to the changes. They're running the same as they always have but the game has changed. 

Third, I feel is again closely tied for first or second and that is tenacity. If you go back a few post you'll see several times where I've been close to quitting. Thankfully I was way too stubborn to follow through with my quitting threats. Sometimes it was the hardest thing I've had to deal with to just get up any motivation to play but I toughed it out, stuck with it and came out stronger for it. 

Fourth, is hard work, it's often said that poker is a hard way to make an easy living. Nothing is more true! We have to review, study, read and play a ton to just keep up and continue to improve. Days are long and hard and on top of that we should be spending several hours a week working on our play. It's honestly never ending and it takes a very strong work ethic to be able to put in the constant work necessary to do well in this game. 

This blog is long enough so I'm not going to go to deeply into the next two but it's very important to stay focused and keep a positive attitude. Try not to play when you tired or upset or worried, it can really be a game killer. Don't dwell on the bad beats, try not to even talk about them. Believe you are a good winning player even if your graph looks like a plunging ski slope. Many of the tournaments where I've finished in the top three I just believed the whole time I was going to make that deep kind of a run. Don't let disappointment get you down. Figure out what part of it is play and what part is variance. Fix the play part and the variance will eventually fix it's self if you can just maintain a positive attitude. 

Lastly, disregard for the money, what I really mean is a detachment from money. You'll never make the right plays if you're focused on losing your buy in or making it through the bubble so you're not out the money. If you're playing within your bankroll you should never have to worry about losing your buy ins. 

"Everyone will eventually run worse than they thought was possible...

... The difference between a winner and a loser is the latter thinks he doesn't deserve it."

This is my favorite poker quote, no idea who said it but they were so right. This is my worst year since the first year I played but the year is not over yet and I still have time to turn it around. I have 3 months to change this from my worst year to my best!

I tweeted earlier "to blog or not to blog" and when I was looking for a picture to begin this blog I found the one above. I also found the one below and had trouble deciding which to use.

Now back to the subject at hand, I have to say despite the comically bad year I'm having I think I'm actually handling it better than I would have expected. I do think my game is suffering and I'm making a lot of common "run bad" mistakes. I feel like I tend to push it too hard in a lot of spots and I'm concentrating way to much on the end result, making money and rebuilding a bankroll, instead of just playing each hand the best I possibly can and making the right decisions. I have a tendency after I start a session and take a few brutal beats to start thinking negatively. The old "oh great another shitty night" thing. I think this is really making it hard for me to even manage to play my B game much less my A game.

I'm going to try to make a very conscious effort to focus only on each hand and not worry about the end result. Speaking of focus, lack of it is definitely part of the problem. So I'm going to work on getting rid of the distractions when I play. I'm going to completely log off Skype, close down the internet and turn off my phone during my next session. Distractions are hard enough to deal with when things are going well and I'm playing well more consistently but they are game killers when I'm having trouble focusing and playing well.

Of course this year has taken quite a toll on my confidence, which has never really been that great to start with. I'm really going to try to improve in that area as well. I know that for the most part I know what I'm doing and I really need to give myself more credit than I do.

Hopefully the next time I blog I can report some major improvements and some good results. I know that this too will pass and I'll come through it a much better player...

But seriously, let it end already :D

The quote may be from Irieguy on 2p2 in this post (definitely worth reading):
It's also quoted by Gigabet here: also definitely worth reading

Run it up update: obviously not going great, pretty much staying broke on Carbon despite making a few deposits and down to $175 on BlackChip.

Run it up update...

The run it up has been slow but steady. It's been almost a month and here's how it's gone:

 

Friday, Aug 2
I played 420 hands of micro cash. I started at a 2NL full ring table (.01/.02) and ran that $1.42 up to about $7. That table went cold and I moved to a 5NL capped 6 max table and made another $3. Bankroll at the end of Friday $10.15. 

Saturday, Aug 3
I played a $.50 rebuy step satellite to the $50K gtd. Total invested $2.00. I finished 4th, 3 seats paid, for $7. Bankroll at the end of Saturday $15.15

Sunday, Aug 4
I played the $5.50 $3.5K gtd and finished in 5th (719 runners) for $174. Bankroll at the end of Sunday $185.75

Monday, Aug 5
I played a re-entry satellite to the $27.50 $10K gtd - 2 entries = $6.60. I didn't win a seat or cash.
I bought directly into the $10K and finished in 46th for $45. Bankroll at the end of Monday $195.25

Sunday, Aug 11
81st in the $215 $100K (satted in) for $354. Bankroll at the end of Sunday $420.16

Monday, Aug 12
3rd in the $6r $2K for $221. Bankroll $600.39

Wednesday, Aug 21
Not a lot happened and I haven't play a lot for the last few days. I got down to about $460 but finished 1st in the $12 $1K tonight for $255. Bankroll now $664.48

Saturday, Aug 24
Played a few things today and felt like I played well. BR got down to about $594 but I finished 6th in the $33 $1.5K for $140 soBankroll now $734.23

Sunday, Aug. 25
Had a rough and expensive Sunday, lost $169 and bricked everything. Bankroll $565.98 

Tuesday, Aug. 27
Finished 15th in the $27.50 $10K gtd for about $100. Bankroll back up a bit to $663.91

Sunday, Sept. 1
Finished 6th in the $44 $3K for $213. Bankroll now $775.87

I also deposited $50 on Carbon on the 25th and it's now up to $330. Today was decent but overall kind of brutal. Lots of deep runs and small cashes. I feel I'm playing better but I still need to up the aggression in several spots. 

So here's to running it up!